Quaero
quero redemptio: Chapter Four.
Disclaimer: These toys aren’t mine. Sephiroth, Cloud and the others belong to Squaresoft, who can have them back in perfect condition when I’m done, honestly. The plot is mine though, and so is ‘Creci, although, considering that she’s a Chocobo, I can’t really use her for anything but fanfics…
/……/ Indicates flashbacks….
Cloud had woken up screaming again. It had become a habit in the year that had followed the defeat of Sephiroth. Every night, he relived the last battle with his former idol. He would see every detail so painstakingly clear that it hurt his heart. Even now, his eyes flooded over with tears, and Cloud felt so very helpless. Even now, six years after Sephiroth’s change, he had trouble believing it. He remembered Sephiroth as the cold, but beautiful General of Shin-Ra, a man he had admired, envied and loved.
That had become his curse later on, because even as he fought Sephiroth in the North Crater, he felt like his heart was torn apart. He wished he had ever dared to tell him how he felt while still a Shin-Ra employee. Ever seen Sephiroth had died, he had withdrawn more and more from everything. Truth to told, the only thing keeping him alive was that everybody was counting on him to help. Tifa called him up every day to talk. He didn’t want to talk to her. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. All he wanted was to curl up in bed, go to sleep, and never open his eyes again. He wanted to dream of a better world.
The only person he felt like seeing was Vincent, and that was only because the man hardly ever said anything. Besides, Vincent had lost someone he loved, too, and he understood. The red-eyed man was the only person Cloud had ever told about what he felt for Sephiroth. He hadn’t meant too, but it had just slipped out while they had been speaking. Vincent had just looked at him and smiled sadly. “I guessed you might,” he had said. “Sephiroth was special, just like his mother. You couldn’t help but be affected by them, whether it was with love, or awe, or something else.”
The others would never understand. Another reason why Cloud kept away from them. To them, Sephiroth had been an enemy, and a threat. It wasn’t even his fault, Cloud thought, pulling the blanket closer around himself. He would never acted like that if it wasn’t for Jenova and Hojo. He chose to ignore the fact that Sephiroth wouldn’t have been born if it weren’t for the two of them. I think, he mused silently, that he would have been better of if he were never born. At least then, he wouldn’t have to suffer through that sadistic scientist’s “experiments”. Cloud shivered, remembering all to vividly how he and Zack had suffered through similar things. Besides, if he had never been born, I wouldn’t have been feeling this miserable.
That might have been a very childish thing to think, but Cloud didn’t care. He had forgiven Sephiroth a long time ago, but he could never forgive himself for killing the former SOLDIER. That he should be missing him so much that it felt like his heart would burst, only seemed too fitting. When he woke a while after they had defeated Sephiroth, and realized that he would never se his former idol again, it had felt like a shock.
Suddenly, the phone rang, the sound echoing through the empty house and reflecting of the walls. It was a very creepy sound, reminding everyone who heard it what emptiness was. Cloud shivered again, and went to answer the phone. He knew who it was of course; there was only one person who’d call him in the middle of the night. “Hello, Vincent,” he said weakly, not really in the mood to talk. Vincent seemed to realize that, and of course, he wasn’t exactly the most talkative person in the world himself, so he said what he had to say, and hung up. It had become a nightly routine for the two of them, Vincent would call in the middle of the night, and Cloud would be awake, usually from a nightmare.
For Cloud, those conversations had been a reason to not cut his wrists with the nearest pointy thing, although he still had moments where he just wanted to be dead, so that everybody would leave him alone. Everybody expected things from him; Tifa, Avalanche, Shin-Ra, all of them. All Cloud wanted to do was to have peace and quiet. Of course, he wasn’t that lucky. As a member of the group who had saved the Planet, he was of great interest to the press, and they had hassled him constantly when he’d lived in Midgar, to help reconstructing. He’d finally had it with them and left, not even bringing his stuff. The only things he’d brought with himself to Kalm were the Ultima Weapon, and the Masamune.
Some scientists had found Sephiroth’s sword shortly after his defeat, and they had brought it to Cloud. Cloud treasured the sword, as it was all he had left to remind him of his former idol. No one but Sephiroth had been able to use that sword, and no one ever would. Cloud kept it in excellent shape; despite the odd looks his friends gave him. They would never understand.
Cloud was about to go back upstairs when he
noticed something moving in the living room. He hadn’t
noticed it before, but now that he was aware of it, he saw it
clearly. An intruder, moving towards the Masamune, where it was
resting against the wall.
Cloud instantly reacted, dropping the
blanket he still had wrapped around his shoulders. He turned on
the light, and stepped silently into the room, wanting to startle
the intruder. The stranger didn’t seem to notice him, too
busy holding the Masamune. Cloud gasped, shocked. Not only did
the man handle the Masamune like he’d never done anything
else, he also had long silvery hair falling around him like a
curtain. When he gasped the stranger whirled around,
adapting a battle stance and a scary little smirk. Cloud stared
into the twin green pools of Mako that floated in front of him,
unable to say anything as the world became increasingly fuzzy
around him. Impossible, was his last coherent thought
before blacking out. -TBC… Author’s note: No, I don’t think
Cloud is likely to pass out like that, but it’s all for a
reason. You’ll see when the next chapter is up.